Ivy is 10 years old, and she has cared for her brother Lenny, who has additional support needs and autism, for 6 years. Ivy opens up about the challenges and rewarding moments that caring for someone as a young person can bring.
As a young person helping to look after her younger brother, Ivy carries out tasks to help the household run smoothly, “I help to get him dressed/undressed and help brush his teeth. When we go to places like the park or soft play, I make sure he is safe and help him if he needs it. I try to teach him new things.”
Whilst Ivy enjoys helping her brother to explore and learn whenever they go to a new place that he is not familiar with, sometimes this presents a challenge when Lenny becomes distressed, leading Ivy to miss out on certain social outings and activities, “Sometimes we had to leave places as he didn’t like going out. So, if we were with friends, it meant I could not play with them anymore as we had to go home.”
Being an extroverted, sociable child, having to leave days out with friends left Ivy feeling disappointed and without control. She expresses how lonely she often felt, particularly when her brother was much younger and had difficulty communicating with her,
“My brother doesn’t really like to play with me, and this has made me feel sad quite a lot. When he was younger, he couldn’t speak properly and he was very angry all the time, which made me upset too. Sometimes I think he gets more attention than me.”
It is extremely common for young carers to feel as though they are overlooked at times, and that their siblings are receiving more attention due to their additional needs. It can be a struggle trying to find the balance between ensuring that the child being cared for has enough support, while still validating a young carer’s feelings and fulfilling their own needs.
Her mum, Lauren, said that, “Ivy is such a sociable child, and she has struggled massively with accepting that Lenny is the polar opposite. She loves to go out, he doesn't, she loves to play, he doesn't. She's loud and outgoing, and he's quiet and withdrawn.”
Since Lauren discovered the Young Carers Team at Carers First through social media, Ivy has felt seen and supported, and as though she can really let loose without the worry of having to leave a fun event early for any reason, “They have helped to support me by giving me some attention that I may not always get at home and I get to do very fun activities with them. I love getting to know other people that are in the same situation as me at young carer events and groups. I enjoy the activities they put out for me and the others.” Her time at young carer events is a crucial part of her routine, allowing her to forget about her caring responsibilities and do the things that other 10-year-olds do.
Ivy explains how talking to her friends at school about her caring role is difficult as they aren’t fully aware of what it means to be a young carer, “My friends at school don’t understand but the care team [at Carers First] do understand and they are very supportive.”
She has an important message to those unaware of how caring for someone at a young age can have an impact on how they feel and interact with others every day,
“I wish some people knew that autism or being a young carer isn’t a bad thing and sometimes when I have had a bad morning at home and take it into school I wish they knew that it is not them, it is what happened at home.”
This only exemplifies the need for recognition and awareness of young carers to be taught to young people in schools, so that they can feel understood and heard by their friends and peers, as well as the teachers that are supporting them.
Lauren, Ivy’s mum, believes that faster access to mental health support services for young carers is paramount and would be beneficial to all young people looking after someone, “it can weigh heavily on siblings of children with additional needs. Not just helping to care for them but being around them every day, trying to understand them and navigate their personalities.”
Although looking after her brother can be overwhelming at times, Ivy feels proud to be able to support him in the ways that she does and wears the title of a ‘young carer’ with great pride. She shares how it helps her to feel independent, and since Lenny has gotten older, the pair have improved their communication with each other. Her favourite part of caring for him is, “doing magic when he has lost his toy by pretending to find it behind his ear.”
Ivy loves to engage in her hobbies, which help her to feel like a regular 10-year-old, “When I am not caring, I enjoy colouring and skateboarding. I also enjoy going to my after-school clubs - swimming and brownies.” Staying connected to her interests and the things that she wants to do is key in maintaining her own wellbeing, giving her an outlet to release any stress or frustrations that can come with caring for someone at a young age.
Ivy has big ambitions and doesn’t believe that being a young carer is a barrier for her to achieve her goals in life. When asked what her aspirations were for the future, Ivy shared her biggest dream, “I want to be a pop star when I grow up.”
Ivy’s story reminds us that young carers are still young people, that need care and support from additional services, to live their lives to the fullest and experience all that they wish to. If you are a young person supporting someone else, get in touch with our team today.
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