Thinking about life beyond caring after your caring role comes to an end
If you have been caring for someone and that role comes to an end, everything changes. As a carer, you may have been focused on the needs of someone else, with your life set up according to certain routines and priorities, which meant that, when the caring role came to an end, suddenly everything starting to look and feel very different.
As you navigate this challenging transition in your life, taking every day as it comes and treating yourself with gentleness and compassion will be key to stepping more fully into the different life that awaits you after your caring role comes to an end.
Acknowledging grief and loss
Your first step during this time is allowing yourself time to acknowledge the grief and loss that may come with the end of your role as a carer. Losing someone you have been caring for, the changes this brings to your life, and the shift in your identity will naturally bring up a range of feelings and emotions. For example, you might be surprised by what you are feeling, exhausted as the reality of the situation catches up with you, or feel numb, as if you aren’t feeling anything at all. There may be a sense of shock, deep sadness and despair; there may be anger, and feelings of relief and guilt.
Making space to grieve and to express whatever comes up for you, understanding that there are no ‘wrong’ emotions, will be important. Everyone will experience the end of their caring role in their own unique way, and grief can take many forms. Our article on understanding grief may be a useful resource for you at this time.
It may take a while until you feel ready to even start thinking about your life beyond caring, and that is okay. There is no rush or any timetable to stick to, and only you know when it will feel right. When you are ready to consider how you might want this new chapter of your life to unfold, here are some areas you might want to explore.
Rediscovering your identity
Many former carers share that when their caring responsibilities came to an end, they found themselves at a crossroads, wondering who they were outside of the role they’d had for so long. When your identity is no longer predominantly defined by your experience as a carer, it can be an opportunity to get curious and rediscover aspects of yourself that may not have been active for some time.
Thinking about your own needs might not be something you are used to doing, but making this a priority will be a vital part of you feeling stronger and more confident. Our pocket guide on looking after your wellbeing as a carer might be the perfect place to start.
You might also begin by making a list of your interests and use this as a starting point for your next steps. If it is difficult to come up with anything that appeals to you, you might think back to activities you enjoyed before you became a carer, or even further back to when you were young. Is there something you always wanted to learn or experience, but you never quite found the time or energy? How does it feel to imagine yourself trying these things now? You won’t be jumping into anything right away, but you might simply allow yourself to daydream a little and then follow your curiosity by taking practical steps when that feels right.
Building a strong support network
When so much seems to have changed and there has been so much loss, many former carers say they felt lonely and isolated during this period. Some say they also felt the absence of the professionals involved in the care of the person they were caring for, and this is quite normal. Suddenly the people you were used to seeing and talking to are no longer there, and it is natural to miss that.
It’s important to remember that whilst things have certainly changed, you are not alone, and support is always available. Building a strong support system for yourself will be crucial during this time, and this can start with simply reaching out to friends and family, or joining a support group (either online or in person) with other former carers who will be able to offer you empathy, understanding and companionship.
Our Carers First Facebook group for former carers, and our monthly online sessions, might be a beneficial place to connect with others who will understand what you are going through, and you will be warmly welcomed there. This might be the time to reach out and connect with old friends too, or meet new people through trying something new outside of home. Your local library, sports hall and community centre will have information about clubs and activities that might appeal to you too.
New routines and opportunities
At a time when life can feel quite empty and you might feel lost, establishing new daily routines can be helpful. This might start small, perhaps with a short walk in the morning, catching up with a family member on the phone in the evenings, or a weekly lunch with a friend. Planning regular activities will give you things to look forward to and this can help you feel more open and optimistic about the future, boosting your mood and sense of purpose.
When the time feels right, you may also feel drawn to explore new opportunities and experiences. For example, you might want to look into travelling somewhere that you were unable to visit before due to your caring responsibilities or consider volunteering or taking on some paid work. You will have developed all sorts of valuable skills during your time as a carer, and when you are ready, your local careers service will be able to help you find suitable opportunities.
Taking care of your physical and mental wellbeing
If you have been caring for someone for some time, putting their needs before your own may have become the norm for you. When those caring responsibilities are over, there is now time to prioritise your own wellbeing. You might try creating a self care routine that includes activities you enjoy, like a daily walk, reading a book, sitting for a short meditation, or spending time in nature.
Doing some regular exercise, taking time to eat nutritious meals, and getting good rest will be important too, even on those difficult days that will naturally arise. Sometimes it may help to talk through what you are thinking and feeling with someone other than a friend or family member, and in that case, accessing a former carers group may be a beneficial space for you as you navigate this transition into a new phase of your life.