For many carers, a trip or holiday with the person they care for can be challenging, especially if the person they care for has additional needs. Audrey, a long-term carer for her mother with mixed Dementia, who now lives in full time care, shares her story of a road trip with mum, Maybina, sharing her worries as well as joyous moments.
Audrey's Story
It was March 2022, and it had been two years since I had been in Mum’s room at her care home. A reality check of how Covid had made its impact on our family. Not wanting to put life on hold any longer, my husband Dave and I had planned a 560-mile road trip with Mum to visit family and friends in the north of England. So here I was packing her bag.
With Mum being 89, having mixed dementia, and having mobility problems myself, taking her away needed close and careful planning. We had booked accommodation well in advance so I could stay close to Mum and so we could have a room nearby to the restaurant and car park.
Looking forward to going away with Mum, the day of our trip had finally arrived. I was excited but full of trepidation, I worried about
the possibility of mum being sick or incontinent in the car but thought that so long as we stopped every hour and a half at the motorway services, she should be ok.
On the Road
Our first stop was Loughborough to have lunch with our friend Ann. Ann, a school friend of 51 years, made us all very welcome, and I was thrilled to see that mum remembered her. Mum became a little confused when we were leaving as she thought we were staying, but it was soon forgotten once we were back in the car, and we were on our way again.
Second stop was Sheffield to our first hotel. Mum and I had a twin room on the ground floor overlooking the gardens with Dave just through an interconnecting door – bonus I thought! Mum seemed a little disorientated at first but even though she wasn’t sure of her surroundings she was happy to be in our company and settled in well into the hotel.
Whilst in Sheffield we visited a children’s farm, where mum was thrilled to spend time with her granddaughter and great granddaughter. It was great to see her so happy.
Night times were tiring for me as I didn’t realise how much mum got up in the night and as I found out, she was sleep walking too.
She would keep getting out of bed removing the duvet, to cover herself over and remove it again. At some point during the night, I found her upside-down in bed with her feet on the bedside table. I tried to get her the right way round again, but as she was still asleep, I was unable to move her.
Moving on from Sheffield after a couple of nights we headed to North Yorkshire to visit more grandchildren and family who Mum hadn’t seen since before the pandemic. We stayed at an old Inn which was all at ground floor level. It had a nice sitting area so we could sit comfortably and watch a bit of TV before we went to bed, which was just after 7 pm most nights. So, I was glad to have taken an enjoyable book with me to read.
Getting mum dressed and undressed was a struggle. As I have a bad back, I was grateful that Dave was next door to help. I don’t know what I would have done without him and said if we do this again, we must make sure we have an accessible shower.
North Yorkshire is a beautiful county, and mum really loved the fields and open spaces. A visit to the beach in March meant wrapping up well. It was great that mum was able to walk a short distance with sand and wheelchairs not being a good mix. Mum played happily with the grandchildren and was happy to just go with the flow which was good for all of us.
Too soon it was time to leave, and because the trip back down south would take over six hours, we stayed overnight at Rutland Waters in Leicestershire – one of our favourite places. The following morning the sun was out, and we enjoyed our last morning of the trip, eating breakfast looking out across the water. We took mum to a sheltered spot by the church on the water and lost ourselves in the warmth of the sunshine and the feeling of peace and tranquillity that such an expanse of water can bring.
Pictures to remember
Getting back in the evening, Mum returned to her care home. No sickness and no accidents the whole trip. Phew. Mum quite happily smothered us with hugs and kisses – it was obvious she had enjoyed herself and was grateful for us taking her away for a while, something I wouldn’t have been able to do without Dave.
Mum’s memory problems meant that after a few days she didn’t remember the holiday. We made her a small photo album that we show her regularly to try and revive the trip along with the stories along the trip. She might not remember the holiday but I’m sure she remembers deep inside how happy we all were. And she only has to look at the pictures to see the love we have for her, and the joy in the memories we make.
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