Angela*, 66, has been caring for her 87-year-old husband Trevor* full-time since he was diagnosed with dementia in February 2014. Initially she says her caring role wasn’t too difficult, but as the years have passed her husband’s condition has deteriorated, meaning she now does everything for him from cooking and cleaning to dressing and bathing him. As Trevor’s dementia has worsened, she also noticed that he can become physically aggressive when she is trying to help him. She explained that this is frustrating for both of them and is both physically and mentally exhausting.
“Caring is my whole life; my time is not my own,” Angela explained. “I’m retired but I have no rest as my husband always has to be with me; even if I go to the shops or go for a walk, I take Trevor with me because he can’t be left by himself.
“As time has passed I have struggled more, especially since 2022 as I have my own physical health problems too. I had operations in 2016 and 2018 for a stomach problem, and I also now suffer with knee and hip issues too, so being physically relied upon as a carer is becoming more difficult.
“I would say the biggest challenge is supporting someone else 24/7, 365 days of the year. Along with my physical health deteriorating, it can be emotionally exhausting to cope by myself. Especially if my husband becomes aggressive, I have to deal with it by myself and be independent. If my son comes to visit then he will help with tasks like shopping and cleaning, but he isn’t always here. Jobs like bathing and changing my husband are very tiring and I feel worn out – there is a need for respite.”
Angela said she was first connected with Carers First around 2016 when Yvonne from a local dementia care team recommended them. As of 2022 she has a Carer Support Advisor and someone who comes to help bathe and change her husband in the morning and evenings, which offers her some relief both physically and mentally. She also receives support and advice on financial matters to see what she is entitled to as a carer.
For Angela, the difference now is that she knows she has support available and someone to talk to when she needs it, which makes her feel less alone. She has received financial advice in relation to her pension and carers allowance – something she does not have the time to research by herself because all her spare time is taken up by caring.
“Life has improved with the help of Carers First. I have access to support when I need it and I know they are only a phone call away. I get regular check-ins from the dementia team who know how to support both me and my husband, which is a relief. I’m very grateful for the support,” said Angela.
Angela also found it extremely difficult to access support initially and explained that she struggled to find the right resources and connections to ask for help. As soon as someone from Carers First got in touch, she knew she would have someone to “fight her corner” and kickstart the process to access the dementia and age support that her husband required.
“My advice is to seek help if you cannot cope – don’t struggle alone! There is support out there so take it to help both your physical and emotional strength,” Angela said.
*Names have been changed to protect privacy.
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