Lincolnshire couple David Wilkinson-Hayes and his wife Lena maintain a cheerful attitude to life despite the fact that David has cancer and Lena has serious physical and mental health issues which mean David is her full-time carer. In Carers First he found a valuable source of support and information…
“My wife and I have been married for 18 years now and we’re very happy, but for the last 15 years I’ve had to give her 24/7 care as she has severe physical and mental health issues,” said David.
“She fell off a motorbike in her younger days and has got prolapsed discs and a broken coccyx. She’s also got Chronic Obstructing Pulmonary Disease and she sees a psychologist about her suicidal feelings following abuse from her first husband.
“She can’t be left on her own, so looking after her is very demanding. I have to supervise her if that’s the right word – she can sit in the shower but she can’t wash her hair or anything like that as she can’t raise her hands high enough.
“We first met in the pub in Waddingham where I used to play a lot of darts and pool – sadly I can’t do that any more as I’ve just not got the time. I used to play golf four times a week but now I don’t, so I would definitely say it’s impacted my social life. When you get married you take your partner for better or for worse, in sickness and in health – I’ve had the better and now I’ve got the worse!
“I’m always upbeat and you’ve got have a sense of humour to get through it.”
To make life even more challenging, David was recently diagnosed with cancer in his neck and on his lung, but he’s now in remission following surgery. Having 24 hours of care per week partly funded by Lincolnshire County Council is a great help.
“The council provides two care workers who come in for 24 hours a week to help out with the care and sit with Lena while I get on with the housework,” said David. “They pay so much towards it and we make a contribution towards the cost. We’ve had the same care workers for five or six years now so they know us quite well.”
Life got a little bit easier for David when he saw an advertisement for Carers First in a free magazine and got in touch.
“They ring me every five or six weeks to see how I’m getting on and at Christmas they bring us a fruit and veg hamper or whatever it is they’ve got to offer. I also go to a regular coffee morning that they organise. They run a lot of groups designed for carers but the trouble is organising care for Lena while I’m out – it’s a catch-22 situation.
“They point you in the right direction when you need help, which is great. But I’m old school and I hate having to ask for help unless I’m desperate for it, which I was four years ago. If I need them they’re there and they always know who to ask and what to ask for. They’re definitely a help.”
David advises anyone who becomes an unpaid carer to ask for help as soon as possible rather than wait and get overwhelmed.
“Seek as much help as possible,” he advised. “I left it and muddled through on my own, but if I had my time again I’d certainly go about it a differently. Now I’m starting to find easier ways of doing things – I found a company to handle the care workers’ pay and contracts, for example, whereas for a long while I tried to do it myself.”
Register with us, or refer a carer to us
Online Help and Advice
Visit our online support section where we have provided advice and guidance on a range of relevant topics to help you in your caring role.