Hayley cares for her autistic son Charlie, who has additional needs. After Charlie hit his teenage years, Hayley felt as though her role in his life was gradually changing from ‘mum’ to ‘carer’, and that she needed additional support to manage their changing relationship. During the pandemic, Hayley had to shield to protect her health, and after returning to work as a paediatric nurse was redeployed into a different role with a different shift pattern.
Hayley explained: “I needed some support as a carer after my hours changed at work. Previously, I was working long shifts two days a week, whereas now I’m working clinical hours, which means more days but shorter shifts.
“My job is an important part of my identity, and it’s important to me to have time to do that role. But it does mean I’m away from home more days a week, so I needed support.”
Charlie attends a special education needs school, and Hayley initially approached them to see if they could lend a hand, but the school does not currently run any breakfast or after-school clubs. However, they did recommend that Hayley contact Carers First for a carers assessment to see if she was eligible for support.
Hayley said: “I was full of dread. I didn’t want to sit and share our personal details, and part of me felt guilty seeking support when it felt like others out there had greater needs. The school recommended Carers First, so I made the phone call – I spoke to the loveliest person who listened to everything and the support I needed.
“I said ‘I just want help one day a week after school so I can continue to do what I love and am trained to do.’
“I shed a few tears – it was quite emotional. She said she’d help me as much as she could and suggested different things we could try. She became my contact and my go-to. We did an assessment over the phone, and we were able to get the funding to cover care for my son after school a few hours a week.
“She sorted everything. It was a breeze. I had so much support the whole way through. She was just really caring.”
Once the budget to fund the after-school support was approved, Hayley then worked with the school to find the right person to care for Charlie. A teaching assistant in Charlie’s class who lives in the same village as Hayley and Charlie volunteered to care for him two hours after school one day a week, so Hayley is able to continue her career while knowing Charlie is in safe hands.
Hayley and her adviser at Carers First are still in touch, with her adviser regularly checking in to see how she is doing. Hayley has also started to get more involved in Carers First’s activities, such as events, group walks and meeting other carers for coffee. Hayley now feels that she can reach out for support whenever she needs it.
She said: “They take things seriously but are very sympathetic and empathetic at the same time. My carers assessment is reviewed yearly, but if I need them for other things I know Carers First are there – they’ve become my go-to.”
Hayley has also been recommending Carers First to others.
She explained: “When you’re a parent or a carer of someone with additional needs, you dread going through yet another process. But my adviser assured me from day one that we’d get through it together, and if they can’t help you, they will signpost you to someone who will.
“Don’t be too proud to ask for help. It doesn’t make you a failure – it’s sensible! – and you don’t know what is out there unless you ask.”
Hayley feels that the support has helped her to maintain her identity and self-esteem.
She said: “Going to work for me is a release, I’m doing it for me. I wouldn’t enjoy being at home all the time.
“I will always be Charlie’s mum, but he also needs to spend time around other people and have friends. I want the best for him. This time apart a few hours a week has helped him to grow up. The teaching assistant is also his friend, and I’m pleased he has that. It’s a chance for me to be Hayley and for Charlie to be Charlie – you need to have something for yourself.”
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