Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s can be extremely difficult. There are unexpected challenges and concerns, and for the person caring for someone with the disease it is often difficult to know where to go for support initially. For John, caring for his wife of 38 years, Sandy after she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s up until she passed away, led him to reach out for support which is where he found Carers First.
John’s wife Sandy began to have problems completing tasks at work, which was a concern for the couple as this was out of character since she had always enjoyed working. In addition to similar, small but noticeable, issues at home, this led to Sandy undergoing tests at the doctor’s which is when they received the news that she had early onset Alzheimer’s in 2015. John expresses how the diagnosis shocked them both, but they took comfort in knowing they had each other to get through it.
Sandy eventually had to leave work, shortly followed by John who had dedicated himself to being his wife’s full-time carer. This was an easy decision for John, whose love for his wife shines through his words. John helped Sandy with feeding herself, cleaning, and taking her out of the house. As her condition progressed, Sandy could no longer communicate. Seeing his wife go through battling this disease, whilst ensuring she was looked after, was understandably challenging for John. Even during the hardest times, his love and admiration for Sandy overpowered the uncertainties of their situation, “The disease just takes everything away from you, bit by bit. She was truly beautiful, beautiful person, she had a lovely smile, she always helped people. That was just all taken away from her.”
It wasn’t until 2022, when Sandy was being discharged from a hospital stay, that someone from Carers First approached John and told him about the support he was entitled to. From the initial meeting, he was awarded 10 hours of care, which enabled him to go out and have a bit of time to himself,
“Carers First have been a lifeline for me. They’re the only ones to help.”
Before finding support in groups, events and professional help or a listening ear from Carer Support Advisers, John felt isolated in his role at times:
“My social life stopped. And the people that you think are going to help you, don’t always help you. I was pretty isolated, apart from phone calls. I didn’t really go out.”
He attends the male brunch club in Medway and enjoys the chance to have a chat with the other male carers. Although he’s incredibly grateful for the support he has received since finding out about Carers First, John acknowledges that it is difficult for most male carers to reach out and to find support that is really there for you, “The biggest thing about being a carer is asking for help. You’ll ask once or twice and get knocked back. Sometimes it feels like a dead end everywhere.”
Sadly, Sandy passed away in 2023. John shared how difficult the adjustment period was, and still is, after losing his best friend and wife, “It’s a horrible thing, because we were really good mates as well as husband and wife. She was my best friend. We were together for about 38 years. We did everything together, we’d spend all weekend in the garden.”
John still accesses support from Carers First and regularly attends groups to stay connected with a strong network of male carers who he can relate to and feel understood by. He wants other carers to know that reaching out is the first step to feeling like you are part of a community that is there for you.
Click here to find out about the support we offer at Carers First.
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