Kat experienced caring for her dad, who had Motor Neurone Disease (MND), when she was a young child. During the late eighties and early nineties, when Kat was caring for her dad, there was not much awareness or support in place to help young carers. Now that Kat is a secondary school teacher, she uses her experiences and memories of those days to support young carers that she teaches, offering them understanding and building a carer friendly community they can feel safe and supported in.
From the age of 3 or 4 years old, Kat remembers knowing how to dial 999 in case of an emergency involving her dad when both her mum and sister were out of the house, something most young children won’t even be aware of. While she also shared the caring responsibilities with her mum and older sister, Kat helped with things that were not typical of someone her age. She explains how she was only 5 years old when she was independently making her own breakfast, toast, and other small tasks of a similar nature. Since MND is a neurological disease that affects muscle control and mobility, she would also help her dad with things like using the toilet, feeding him, and cleaning. Although, to her, this was what she considered to be “normal” of any 5-year-old.
“It was normal for me at that age. I assumed every other kid had the same kind of home life. I remember being shocked that other kids didn’t know what I thought was simple first aid.”
Like many young carers who take on the overwhelming responsibility of looking after someone, Kat often felt different to her peers. Her maturity levels were much higher than her classmates and friends, which sometimes left her feeling isolated as she found it difficult to relate to her peers. The contrast between being treated as an older child or an adult at home due to caring for her dad and being “too young” to do anything for herself in other environments like school, was confusing for Kat at an early age. She was even described by teachers as an “old head on young shoulders,” being told that she was “mature for her age.”
Considering the lack of awareness and conversation around young carers in the late 1980s/early 1990s, it is no surprise that Kat only learned that she was a young carer much later on in life, “I didn’t realise I was a young carer until my 30s, during staff training to make teachers aware of the signs of being a young carer. I spoke to my mum and asked did you know I was a young carer? Reflecting to my childhood and charities like Children in Need.
At first, I didn’t understand why there was a big fuss when it was normal for me. It was part of my everyday kind of life.”
Hobbies like music lessons acted as a therapeutic distraction, enabling Kat to “switch off and be creative.” This hobby ignited a passion, with Kat going on to become a music teacher. She shares how there are more opportunities now for children to let loose and be children for a while, with the addition of support and understanding.
Although caring for someone in early childhood can be draining at times, Kat has used her experiences to build her own personal strengths, expressing how it has shaped her as an adult, “I was so little, caring didn't really impact my later school life regarding homework and exams. But, because we had to be organised and follow what we were told by my mum, has made me more prepared and instilled organisational skills, enabling me to manage my time more."
She shares how grateful she is that nowadays there is support, like Carers First, which means that young carers do not have to struggle in silence or go through anything alone. As someone who has experienced those feelings of confusion and otherness while being a young carer, Kat now champions for support for young people caring for someone. It has allowed her to bring awareness to students who may be young carers in need of support and opens conversations amongst teachers to encourage a deeper understanding of what it means to create a supportive environment for young carers.
“As a teacher, I don’t think people understand what it means to be a young carer and how tired you can get. The lack of concentration impacts you. They don’t have a chance to breathe. Some staff don’t always get that young carers need a moment sometimes when they are tired as they do not show how exhausted they are.”
Kat’s story only amplifies the need for environments that are built to support young carers, in institutions like schools. A greater understanding and empathy for what young people caring for someone go through is what is necessary for change, and for the right support to be put in place. This Carers Week, building carer friendly communities is more important than ever, this starts with admirable teachers like Kat, who use their own experiences to look out for young carers like herself.
*Names have been anonymised in this story.
Click here to find out about the support we offer at Carers First.
Online Help and Advice
Visit our online support section where we have provided advice and guidance on a range of relevant topics to help you in your caring role.