Steve cares for his wife, Angela, who has stage three cancer and is now under palliative care. He opens up about having a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, and how this has impacted him whilst caring for his wife. He hopes that by sharing his story, it will encourage others to come forward and receive the support they may have been missing for many years in their caring role.
Steve was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 17, after he experienced his first breakdown. After receiving the necessary help and support to allow him to recover, he moved from his hometown in the Midlands to London, for a change in environment and a fresh start. Through counselling, rehabilitation and therapy, Steve saw an improvement in his mental and physical health. That is when he met his wife, Angela, at their local church, and they were soon married in 1999, with their son, Nathan, being born in 2001.
In the early 2010’s, Angela was diagnosed with cancer and had to attend various hospital visits to treat the disease, including having to have a kidney taken out. This meant that Steve would take on a lot of household responsibilities, as well as ensuring Angela had support with getting to and from hospital appointments, and emotional support. During this time, Steve was extremely grateful that his place of employment was understanding of his situation. He had a career working for the Met, and felt as though his role as a carer was validated by those that he worked with, which is something that every carer should have the chance to experience:
“My employer was very supportive and allowed me to be in my caring role.”
His positive experience highlights how support from your employer can impact the rest of your caring role. Knowing that Steve’s workplace recognised and acknowledged his role, and encouraged him to take time when needed to care for Angela, made all the difference and enabled him to focus on ensuring she was supported.
Now retired, Steve benefits from attending carer support groups weekly and enjoys getting to speak to others going through the same situations.
He was initially introduced to Carers First by Croydon Mind and was able to get help with completing a Carer’s Assessment with us. Since then, he has been going to events and groups, making use of the opportunity to get to know other carers and getting personalised support and advice from our team members.
“That has been very, very beneficial for me, going to the groups. I have also been doing some writing, and that’s been a tremendous help for me mentally.”
Throughout the hardships and difficulties that come with caring for someone, Steve’s love and commitment to supporting his wife shines through his words:
“I love my wife to bits, we’ve been married for 27 years. For all the experiences I’ve been going through all my life, I am happy now to be able to care for my wife.”
He wants others, with similar diagnoses or situations as himself, to be proud of the strength it takes to support someone else whilst taking care of yourself. Expressing that, even through tough times, things do get better and accepting support for yourself is the greatest thing you can do. Sometimes, all it takes is one step forwards to realise that it’s also important to take care of yourself, and live life for you when you can.
“I had to help myself to get out there, and be more social. Whatever support is there for me, I will tap into it and make the most of it. Don’t think it’s the end all, be all when you’ve got mental health issues.”
Steve’s story reminds us that it is always essential to take care of yourself when caring for someone else. Making use of the support, advice and information that is out there is vital, and remember that reaching out is the most important thing you can do. His story also highlights the positive impact that employers can have on carers, with recognising and understanding Steve’s role.
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