The effects of dependency or addiction can be wide-ranging, rippling out from the person with the dependency or addiction themselves to impact others around them.
Friends and family who may want to support the person they care for can often be caught up in the effects a dependency or addiction can cause. With recent studies showing that up to 45% of adults in the UK (Action on Addiction) are either directly or indirectly affected by addiction or dependency.
In this, we offer support if you are experiencing some of the challenges that caring for or living with someone with a dependency or addiction can bring and share practical advice to help you feel more empowered and confident to navigate the difficulties you may be facing.
Your situation is unique. You may be caring for someone with an underlying condition who also has a dependency or addiction. You might be living with someone who has become more dependent on you to help them manage and wondering if they may have a dependency or addiction. You might be living with a dependency or an addiction yourself and wanting to make a change.
You may not have ever considered yourself to be providing a caring role up until now, and our article who is a carer? might help you understand what a carer is, and what they do. The effects of addiction can impact anyone, and whatever your situation, you are entitled to access help and support that is available to you.
Dependency and addiction are different states, although the two terms are sometimes misunderstood or used synonymously.
When someone has a dependency, it means they rely physically and/or psychologically on a substance or an activity and will experience withdrawal symptoms without using or engaging with it. Someone with a dependency may be motivated to stop or seek help to manage and overcome their dependency when they recognise their use of a substance or engagement in a particular activity is causing problems.
In contrast, if someone’s use of a substance or engagement in a certain behaviour becomes compulsive and problematic and starts to affect someone’s life and the lives of those around them in negative ways, they can be said to have an addiction.
Dependency can be a part of someone’s addiction, but not all dependencies will necessarily lead to addiction.
Someone may have a dependency or an addiction to a substance like alcohol, prescription medicines or illegal drugs. A dependency or addiction can also occur with an activity like gambling, being online or shopping. An addiction to an activity can make someone behave in similar ways to someone with a substance addiction, but an addiction to an activity may have fewer physical effects.
Everyone’s experience of having a dependency or addiction will be different. It might have begun as a way to cope with challenges, trauma or pain, as a way to fit into social situations or to simply try a new experience that may have felt enjoyable at first. For some people (and it is still not known exactly why only certain people are affected in this way) the use of a certain substance or activity can result in changes to their brain chemistry beyond those that take place in someone with a dependency, and lead to addiction. This can make their desire for the substance or activity so powerful that it makes it extremely difficult for them to consider anything or anyone else, including their own wellbeing and the wellbeing of friends and family.
Because of this, an addiction can have a profoundly damaging impact not only on the person themselves, but also on the people around them.
In all our articles that talk about dependency and addiction we will be using both terms because our main focus is always to support you, as someone affected by the issues that caring for someone with a dependency or addiction can bring.
Everyone’s experience of dependency and/or addiction is individual, but there are some signs that people who care for someone with an addiction have identified as being in common.
These signs could include:
- Relying more often on a certain substance or activity to cope with certain situations
- Becoming anxious if a particular substance or activity is not available
- Changes in their mood or personality
- Changes to their physical, mental or emotional health
- Disruption to their sleep pattern and/or daily routines
- Neglecting their usual hobbies or interests
- Not meeting family, work or other important commitments
- Financial issues
- Conflict within relationships with their family and friends
These signs could be present long-term, or show up when someone is unable to access a substance or engage in a certain activity, or when they return to use a substance or engage in a behaviour after a period of ‘maintenance’ or not using (also called lapse, or relapse).
What can supporting someone with a dependency look like?
How it looks to support someone with an addiction will depend on your individual situation, but you may have been offering physical, practical and emotional help in lots of ways.
These might include:
- Emotional support, like talking with the person you care for about their feelings, or helping them process how they feel during the ups and downs of their dependency
- Helping them to manage their finances
- Supporting them to make changes to their routines or schedules
- Supporting them to do daily tasks they find challenging, like taking children to school or cooking meals for them
- Helping them to access and engage with support for their dependency
- Giving medication or meeting their physical health needs
- Helping to prevent harm (this might be physical, emotional, social, financial or any other harm directed towards themselves, others around them, or to yourself)
- Dealing with a crisis due to the dependency or addiction
For most people who are caring for someone who has a dependency, it can often feel very difficult to know what to do for the best. Our article on Understanding different ways of responding to behaviours related to someone’s dependency offers more information and support here.
Managing the emotional impact of supporting someone with an addiction or dependency
The effects of supporting someone with an addiction or dependency can be felt in lots of areas, and for family and friends, managing the emotional impact can be especially difficult.
You might feel confusion or guilt around why they developed their dependency in the first place or be wondering why they won’t just stop. You might experience a lot of anxiety and fear, constantly worrying about how their behaviour might change, or what you might find when you come home. You may have witnessed anger, secrecy, lying or violence, and don’t know how to stop it. You might feel ashamed to share what is going on because of the stigma associated with addiction and feel terribly isolated as a result.
Many people who found themselves caring for someone with an addiction share that at times they simply didn’t know who to turn to, or what to do for the best. Our article on Managing Feelings of Guilt, Shame and Stigma when Supporting Someone with a Dependency may also be a helpful resource here. Someone’s addiction can also have very real physical, social, legal and financial implications for those around them, and we go into this in more detail in our article on ways you might be impacted by someone’s dependency or addiction.
Managing the ups and downs of supporting someone with an addiction
The effects of supporting someone with an addiction or dependency can be felt in lots of areas, and for family and friends, managing the emotional impact can be especially difficult.
You might feel confusion or guilt around why they developed their dependency in the first place or be wondering why they won’t just stop. You might experience a lot of anxiety and fear, constantly worrying about how their behaviour might change, or what you might find when you come home. You may have witnessed anger, secrecy, lying or violence, and don’t know how to stop it. You might feel ashamed to share what is going on because of the stigma associated with addiction and feel terribly isolated as a result.
Many people who found themselves caring for someone with an addiction share that at times they simply didn’t know who to turn to, or what to do for the best. Someone’s addiction can also have very real physical, social, legal and financial implications for those around them.
Looking after yourself
As someone who may be supporting someone with an addiction or dependency, looking after yourself will be key to maintaining your own health and wellbeing.
Sometimes it can feel difficult to put your own needs first, but it is vital for everyone that you look after yourself at every stage. Being able to set clear, healthy boundaries, and being able to say no, even when it is difficult, is crucial to you staying safe and remaining strong.
First steps to accessing support for yourself
It is challenging to be affected by dependency or addiction, and the first step to accessing support for yourself is acknowledging that you can access help and that you don’t have to face this experience alone. Reaching out to trusted friends, family members, a colleague or teacher, or attending support groups for those affected by dependency and addiction, can provide you with understanding and empathy as you share your story.
Online resources and helplines can provide lots of valuable information and guidance too. Seeking professional help from your GP, or from therapists or counsellors who specialise in supporting family and friends of those who have an addiction or dependency, can also be a great help. Creating a supportive network doesn’t always seem like an easy thing to do so we’ve created an article called ways to create a strong support network when affected by someone’s dependency that might be useful.
Managing a crisis or emergency situation
It’s not an easy situation to think about, but there are certain things you can do in advance that would support you should a crisis or emergency involving the person with the dependency take place. Having essential information readily available in advance, like emergency contact numbers, their medical history, and details of any treatment plans or medications, will be very useful to share with those who may be called to support them. In all cases, a person’s capacity, or ability to make decisions and give consent to any proposed treatment would be considered. Sometimes someone might be unable to make informed decisions due to intoxication or a mental health condition for example, and so it might be necessary to make decisions or act on their behalf. Our article on understanding capacity and consent when supporting someone with an addiction offers more information here.
Calling the emergency services can be daunting, but it is essential if ever the health or safety of the person you care for is threatened, or you or others around them are ever at risk. Remembering that these services are there to help, and that early intervention can prevent serious harm or even save a life. A crisis can often be a turning point in the lives of someone with an addiction or dependency and those who care about them. After a crisis has passed, it is very important to acknowledge the impact going through such a situation will have on you. Being able to process any difficult emotions, perhaps through talking things over with a trusted friend or within a support group, and taking some time to rest and recover, can prevent stress from building up and affecting your own health.