When someone develops a physical disability, it can affect almost every aspect of their life, including their relationships with those around them. When caring for a partner, you might notice that your relationship changes too. This article shares some of the ways it might change and what you can do to move forward and build a new positive relationship with the person you care for.
Ways a relationship can be affected by a physical disability
When a person develops physical disability, through illness or injury, they experience physical and emotional changes which can affect the ways they interact with others. As a carer for a partner, you might be involved in, or helping them to navigate this transition.
As a partner of someone who has developed a physical disability, you may find yourself undertaking tasks which you have never done for your partner before, which form your caring role. Whether it is moving and handling, personal care, or helping them to navigate accessibility when out and about, your partner may rely on you to help them with aspects of day to day life. As the caring role evolves, you may notice changes in the way you speak to one another, spend time together or offer each other support, which can influence your relationship.
Many individuals in this situation can also experience is a sense of responsibility to look after the needs of their partner. This can involve helping them to complete daily tasks, taking on additional responsibilities and supporting them with treatment or rehabilitation to ensure they have the best quality of life possible. Over time, this can lead to the carer naturally placing the needs of their partner above their own shifting the balance in the relationship.
When caring for a partner, many individuals also experience changes to their daily or weekly routines such as their working patterns. For example, if an individual is not able to work due to their physical disability, they may rely on their partner to work as the sole earner alongside the caring role. In situations when the physical disability has a significant impact on the individual’s day to day life, the carer may reduce their hours or leave work in order to provide care. This can have a significant impact on the dynamic in the relationship and the day to day life’s of both the carer and their partner.
These changes could be even greater if an individual is no longer safe to be left alone due to their physical disability as it can affect the way that their partner socialises with friends or take part in hobbies.
When someone develops a physical disability, it is natural for them to experience some uncomfortable thoughts and difficult emotions. They might feel anger that this has happened, or frustration about the things they are unable to do. As a carer for a partner, you may experience complex feeling too, particularly around the caring role. Processing these difficult emotions can be a challenging experience for you both. Giving yourself time and space to acknowledge and express these feelings is important for both of your mental wellbeing long term. Our article on Managing difficult emotions may also be useful.
The development of a physical disability can also often leave someone grieving for the person they were, the life they had and their independence. As a carer for a partner, you may experience your own grief for the future you had planned. Although it is tough to manage, it is a normal part of adjusting to such a significant change and is something many carers from all caring situations experience. You can read more about complex grief and ways to help you manage grief.
When thinking about changes to relationships, it is also important to note that certain physical disabilities, such as neurological conditions or spinal cord injuries can have a significant impact on someone’s enjoyment of physical touch and level of sensation. When nerves are severed or damaged, people can experience loss of sensation and/or pain as a result of physical touch. This can heavily influence someone’s ability to show physical affection and intimacy. When caring for a partner, this can be a big adjustment. In these situations, understanding the reason for the change is physical, rather than emotional can often offer some comfort during this transition.
Physical disabilities can have a significant impact on a person's sense of self and identify. This is because parts of their body look different, or do not work in the same way they used to. This is exacerbated if their physical disability resulted in changes to their physical appearance or their ability to communicate. If someone experiences these types of changes, it can take some time for them to adjust to them and rebuild their confidence before engaging with those around them, including their partner. As a carer for a partner, you may find that your relationship evolves as they redevelop their identity and learn how to be a partner with their physical disability.
It is important to note that not all changes are negative, they may just need navigating to ensure the smoothest transition possible. Long term, it can also be rewarding; some carers who support their partner share how there is an increased trust between them, and they now share new hobbies together.
Ways to help carers maintain the balance between a relationship and caring role
When caring for a partner with a physical disability, defining the caring role separate from the relationship you share can be key to maintaining the balance between these two roles. Distinguishing the caring role from the relationship can help carers to reduce the feeling that they are in a 24/7 caring role. It can also help the carer to look after their own needs, access support from their partner and create time to invest in the relationship.
Many aspects of caring come from a loving relationship, such as one from a family member or friend and so it can sometimes be difficult for carers to identify their caring role for themselves. That being said, recognising the tasks that someone needs help with due to their physical disability can be a helpful place to start. For information on what caring for someone with a physical disability can look like, you can read our introduction article here.
When someone first develops a physical disability, they may not feel confident to undertake the tasks or activities they were previously responsible for. As their partner, you may help them by stepping in or taking on these tasks. If thinking about managing the impact of a physical disability on your relationship, you may find that empowering them to take on tasks independently can benefit the relationship you share long term. This is because it can allow them to regain a sense of their identity, contribute to the partnership and create opportunities for them to support you.
When thinking about the relationship long term, you may also find it helpful to consider new ways you may want to spend time together. This is particularly important if the person you care for is no longer able to enjoy the activities you used to do in the same way. Whether you find ways to adapt the activities you enjoy or find new hobbies to do together, creating time to spend as a couple can be hugely beneficial.
You may also explore the possibility of visiting venues or going away on holiday. Finding accessible places for you both to enjoy can be a great way for you to spend time together out and about. This may take some additional time and planning but we have put together a helpful article to get you started which you can read here.
Caring for a partner with a physical disability can have its physical and emotional challenges. If planning to care for someone long term, it is important to ensure that your needs are met so that you are able to maintain a healthy and balanced caring role long term. As in any romantic relationship, honesty around boundaries, expectations and needs, and being open to seek support will be important. For more information on looking after your wellbeing as a carer, you can read our article here.