David cares for his wife of 21 years, Lena. The couple live in Lincolnshire where David provides most of her care needs. With there being 2 million male carers in the UK, many of which aren’t reaching out for support, it’s vital that their experiences and voices are heard. This is David’s story.
David became Lena’s carer in 2007 when she became ill suddenly. In the last three years, there has been a decline in Lena’s health as she was diagnosed with Dementia. David shares how a typical day in his life looks like caring for Lena:
“My day will start at any time from 7am as I have to help Lena out of bed, get her first dose of medication, make her a cuppa breakfast if she wants it that day. I then help Lena wash and dress. It’s then time to attack the housework and think about what to cook for dinner. I have organised a care worker/PA (Chloe) who comes in between 9 - 9:30am and stays until 3 – 3:30pm to help with looking after Lena while I go shopping, to the doctors or any other appointments I might have. Each day I have to get tea ready, make sure Lena has had her medication and check her oxygen bottle isn`t empty as Lena is on oxygen for at least 18 hours a day every day. When we have had our tea I might get to sit down for half hour before I have to think about getting Lena ready for bed.”
David expresses how challenging it has been for him to access the relevant support in his caring role, with this having a significant impact on both his mental and physical health. He suffered a breakdown due to the emotional and mental burn out of caring, and a lack of professional support. It wasn’t until he found Carers First that he realised he didn’t have to carry the weight of caring alone:
“I’ve been with Carers First since around 2009. I can`t give them enough praise for their wonderful help and advice and mainly their understanding and compassion of the problems that usually come up most days.”
Like many male carers who weren’t aware of the support available to them, David found it very difficult to talk about how he was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated in his caring role over fears he would be misunderstood. Since overcoming that initial barrier and reaching out for support, he now enjoys attending some of our regular male carer groups:
“I’m in a male carer group and I have had some brilliant days activities out and about which I’ve enjoyed. I have made some really good friends in our little gang, and they are quite happy to try and help solve problems that I have in my caring role.”
David also expressed gratitude to Sarah, Carer Support Adviser in West Lincolnshire, who took the time to listen to his thoughts and frustrations and regularly checks up on his wellbeing.
Caring for someone can be overwhelming at times, but David wants other carers to know that you don’t have to face it alone:
“The best advice I can give to anyone that has started to be a carer is to contact Carers First straight away they will give you all the help and support you will need. Ask for help straight away, I didn’t as I thought I could manage on my own, so I swallowed my pride and had to ask after it was a bit late.”
If you relate to David’s story, there is support for you. Get in touch with our team today.
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