Blood cancer is one of the most common cancers in the UK, with approximately 280,000 people living with the illness. In some cases, cancer patients have family or friends that will step in and provide the support they may need to get through their diagnosis. One of our Carer Support Advisers in Lincolnshire, Michelle, bravely shares her journey caring for her mum, Gina, who had blood cancer. Read more about her heartfelt story below.
Mum was diagnosed out of the blue in May 2021 with blood cancer. I became a carer overnight. I was working, had two young children and my own health concerns to balance. My mum was still working when she was diagnosed and was a busy, active, healthy, social person. This was a shock to us all as a family.
Initially my mum was an inpatient receiving rounds of intensive chemotherapy for her acute myeloid leukaemia (AML) and I visited hospital daily and sometimes twice if she needed support with eating, physio and procedures. She was really anxious and needed help with advocating and emotional reassurance.
I gave up work and made myself available for my mum. I was an only child and felt like I needed to be there for her like she had always been there for me. My own mental health was being massively affected, and I had anxiety, trauma from seeing my mum have serious medical interventions.
My children were exposed to all of this and became young carers. Not that I knew what this was back then. It was survival mode: kids to school, tidy the house and then either visit mum at her home or on the ward. I reached out for support from the ward nurses who referred me to Macmillan and was then booked an appointment with a lady from Carers First who held appointments in the Macmillan clinic.
I felt truly heard. I had time to talk about how I felt and the impact I was feeling. There were tissues, drinks and complete understanding. She gave me so much information and advice, not just for mum, which was my priority, but for me. She helped me realise that I cannot keep being there for my mum and my family if I don’t take time out.
She referred me for talking therapy, and we then spoke two weeks later on a video call. She didn’t make promises she didn’t keep, she made me feel important and that I wasn’t silly for feeling like I was.
My amazing husband was understanding and took care of everything during the six weeks holidays while I went to be with mum. She was getting ready for her first time to come home since her admission in over 3 months. I sorted a cleaner for my mum’s house, extra clothes, groceries, food, aids and adaptions for her home.
It was a complete role reversal, and I was able to take care of her. She trusted me with all her personal care and emotional wellbeing. I filled forms in, applications for her blue badge, work forms, financial and legal advice. I supported my mum through her year of treatment, and she went into full remission.
I was reflecting on my journey and knew I wanted to help other people in a similar position. I remembered Carers First and how I felt able to talk to them without judgement, I was worried people would think how dare I be so upset and worried, and that mum was the one with the real issues.
I looked on the Carers First website, applied for the Carer Support Adviser role and was successful! I was able to still provide support to mum around my new job role. I’d found a charity that understood how important it was for me to remain in my caring role but also work and find something for myself to focus on. Having firsthand experience of being an unpaid carer was useful to be able to listen and understand other carers.
Unfortunately, my mum had an aggressive relapse, and sadly treatment options were scarce. With full family support and tearful understanding my mum decided to stop all treatment and was given days to live. I barely left her side for the 2 weeks before she passed away, peacefully, with family holding her hand.
Caring for your parent is an honour but intense and can be overwhelming. I felt able to put my own life on hold to provide care and love for her. She was there when I entered the world, and I was there with her when she left it. My mum, Gina. Forever 67 years old.
I have now worked for Carers First for over 3.5 years. I’ve spent time supporting families who were caring for a loved one who were receiving palliative care and those also reaching the end of life. It felt like I have truly completed a full circle, and my own experience has strengthened my understanding of issues that carers face.
If you can relate to Michelle’s story, know that there is support for you. Carers First provides personalised advice and guidance to support you in your role. Get in touch with our team today.
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