If you are a carer who supports someone with a learning disability or autism, you will know that social situations can be tricky, and come with additional layers of complexity.
Here we explore the challenges someone with a learning disability or autism might experience in social situations and suggest practical ways you can support the person you care for to manage these issues when they arise.
Any environment or setting where the person you care for might be expected to interact with or talk with others, or be seen or observed by others, is classed as a social situation. This could be a gathering of familiar family and friends, like a birthday party or day out. It could be a show or sports event where most people are strangers. It could be an open day at a college, a trip into town, or a date. A social situation also includes scenarios like taking clothes back to a shop, going to the bank or going to the dentist. Eating in front of others, filling in a form at a reception desk or washing their hands in a public bathroom can all be classed as social situations too.
Not everyone will experience or respond to the following challenges in the same way, but certain issues that someone with a learning disability or autism might experience in social situations can include:
- Difficulties in processing sensory information
- Challenges with communication, including an inability to understand abstract language and humour, social cues, tones of voice and body language
- Difficulties understanding social boundaries like personal space or appropriate topics of conversation
- Feeling uncomfortable dealing with unfamiliar places, people, and processes, and dealing with unexpected changes
- Certain behaviours such as stimming or having an intense focus on certain topics which can be misunderstood by others
The challenges they experience in social situations can have very real effects for someone with a learning disability or autism, impacting their lives and how they feel.
These might include:
- Under-developed social skills
- Heightened anxiety, more episodes of sensory overload and distressed behaviour
- Being more vulnerable to discrimination, bullying and exploitation
- Low confidence and self-esteem
- Inability to form meaningful relationships
- Lack of progression in education and/or career
- Feelings of rejection, social isolation and loneliness
- Increased susceptibility to mental health challenges
A lack of confidence in social situations can make someone more likely to experience sensory overload or display ‘behaviour that challenges’ and need extra support to de-escalate certain situations. Both in the moment and over time, these feelings and experiences can lead to changes in someone’s behaviour, and long term, sustained stress on their nervous system can negatively affect someone’s mental health.
However, taking this into account many people with a learning disability or autism are often able to find ways to feel more relaxed and comfortable in social situations. This improves the quality of their overall lives, allowing them to express themselves more fully, connect with others more deeply and feel more appreciated for what they personally bring to the world.
Supporting someone with a learning disability to manage a social situation
As a carer for someone with autism or a learning disability, supporting the person you care for to feel prepared in advance can be key to helping them cope with a social situation they find challenging. Talking about the upcoming social situation will help you both to explore concerns and identify any triggers you might foresee. You can then come up with a plan together, implementing strategies to reduce exposure to any potential stressors in the environment, and building a toolkit of wellbeing techniques that the person you care for can draw on should they feel their anxiety rise at any point.
Role-playing scenarios in a familiar and non-threatening environment can also be a great way to prepare, helping the person you care for to troubleshoot any potentially tricky communication points, polish up their social skills, practise what they would do if something unexpected happened, and rehearse asking for support should they need it.
All this will boost their confidence and support the person you care for to feel more self-assured before they even step outside the door.
Talking with the person you care for about the things they might do if they feel anxious or start to struggle in a social situation can help you both feel more prepared. In a social situation, the person you care for might start stimming, and so being able to distinguish between stims that are simply relaxing and enjoyable and stims that signal rising anxiety can be useful. Other signs that they might be feeling anxiety in a social situation might include sweating, increased heartbeat, dizziness or upset stomach, and noticing these signs before they get too intense will be key.
The more the person you care for feels heard and able to communicate their needs, feelings and ideas, the more confident and secure they will feel in any social situation. Cue cards, emotion cards and any other Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) supports they prefer will help them express themselves and feel more positively connected to others around them.
Supporting someone when they struggle in a social situation
However much you prepare for a different experience, there may of course be situations where the person you care for struggles to cope. In these instances, you can support them a great deal by remaining as calm as you can and offering your help and encouragement in the moment.
Coping strategies
You and the person you care for know best what works for them, and so drawing on their individual coping strategies, like finding a calming environment and using the particular stress tools and relaxation techniques they prefer, will be invaluable to them. Taking time to recharge and reset after a challenging episode will also be important for both of you.
Emotional support
Acknowledging the incredible efforts and strengths of the person you care for and offering words of encouragement as they navigate social situations they find challenging can help them to remember they are not alone, that they are making progress, and that it is okay to find certain aspects of being a human being very difficult.
If they display behaviour that challenges
If the person you care for becomes so distressed in a social situation that they lose control of their emotions and behaviour, this can be hugely difficult for you as a carer. Many carers say they experience all sorts of thoughts and emotions in those moments. Stress that the situation feels out of control, concern for the person they care for, fears and embarrassment around how others might be perceiving the situation, as well as anger and guilt. Your main focus as a carer will be to support the person you care for to calm down and to de-escalate the situation. You know them best, and feeling confident that you know what to do, whatever’s going on around you, will be key to you managing the situation as positively as possible.
Looking after your wellbeing as a carer after a difficult social situation
Acknowledging the impact that a difficult social situation can have on you too, as a carer, is vital to your wellbeing, and will be particularly important if the person you care for has been acutely upset and/or displayed distressed behaviours. Taking time to process any difficult thoughts and emotions that naturally came up for you during or after the episode can prevent stress from building up and affecting you long term.
You might talk things through with a trusted friend or within a peer support group, spend some time in nature, or explore a personal journaling practice. Our articles on managing difficult emotions and feelings, and other wellbeing strategies for you as a carer can be useful here. Looking after your own needs as a carer might not be something that always makes it to the top of your list, but it is crucial. Prioritising your physical health by making sure you are able to have regular breaks, rest and respite, as well as eating nourishing meals and getting some form of regular exercise will also boost your emotional and mental wellbeing.
Asking friends and family to help out in small ways can also have a real positive impact on everyone, as can accessing more specialised support if you feel you need it. Speaking to your GP is always a good first step as they will be able to connect you with the most suitable organisations and professional support where appropriate.